Living In The Grey

For about a year, I have been seeing a therapist.

This isn't something most people openly admit. Being in the mental health business, I am more than aware of the stigma surrounding something as important as personal mental health. More than one of the kiddos I work with refuse to call me their anything other than their "friend" when we're in the community because it's embarrassing to have a "counselor" or a "social worker" in their presence.

I sat in my therapist's sunny corner office this week sipping my Chocolate Covered Kale smoothie (from Your Fountain of Health - email yourfountainofhealth@yahoo.com to get 9 LIFE CHANGING SMOOTHIES from LisaRenee!) and discussed my weekend with her. I shared that I was feeling disappointed in myself for my weekend binge. I told her about my friends coming to visit and how we had an excellent time, but that my body was still catching up from "being bad."

This is where she stopped me mid-sentence and told me very seriously that it "rubbed her the wrong way" when the words good and bad were utilized in regards to food. She asked me why I thought this was the default language most people use when speaking about their diet choices, and I couldn't really give her an answer.

Why does it have to be so black and white? Positive or negative? Have you ever really thought about it? I know for me, as I've previously stated, that my weight and size have always been a personal struggle. When I am in a "good" place, eating clean and exercising regularly, I am confident and happy. I am also rigid, strict, and feel like an immediate failure whenever I even taste something that may not be on my plan (side note, I don't like the word "diet"... makes me think of fad diets that don't work. Trust me, I've tried them all.)

We discussed alternate ways to look at language surrounding food; "choices" vs. "bad" or "good"... "treat" vs. "cheat"... taking the black and white and making it grey. No longer looking at food as just a positive or negative experience, but a neutral source of nourishment. After processing, I came to realize that out of the nearly 72 hours I spent with my friends, MAYBE 12 of them were spent making less than healthy choices. Even then, I had a huge salad with my pulled pork sandwich from the Mister's BBQ feast and made sure I drank water throughout the night between hard apple ciders. When it was put into perspective for me, I felt a lot less "bad" about myself and my choices. In fact, I was pretty damn proud of myself! It could have been way worse, or started a slippery slope to continuing to make unhealthy choices. I could be stuffing my face with pizza topped with an entire sleeve of Oreo's.

But I'm not.

We also discussed ways to make treats less guilty and more enjoyable. Planning your treats in advance so you know when you'll indulge takes the stress out of the equation because you know when it's coming and, most of the time, what it is you'll be having. Making your treats healthy versions of the real thing (like these AMAZING chocolate chip oat cookies from Simply Whole Foods found on this blog that are Chef Hoyt approved!) helps ease the blow, although you still can't have twenty in a sitting. Lastly, if you do deviate from your plan and have a cupcake or a cup of coffee - give yourself a break! We are humans, we are spontaneous creatures by nature. I struggle the most with this one, but I also know that one spontaneous treat once in a while will not kill me or completely derail my progress.

Now I want to turn the tables and ask you: how do you look at food? Do you have the "good" vs. "bad", black and white mentality? Do you exist somewhere in the grey? Are you on a diet or a healthy lifestyle plan? Most importantly, will you help me in changing the language around the food we eat and the mentality around the choices we make?

Let's make it okay to live in the grey.