My plan last night to begin introducing grains into my diet failed miserably. Not because I got violently ill or had a near-death experience (nothing quite that dramatic, sorry!) My plans were thwarted by a sore throat. I demolished half a bag of cherry Ricola cough drops while watching a documentary on the epidemic of prescription pain med abuse in Vermont (watch the trailer here) with little to no relief. This was after guzzling enough water to keep me going to the bathroom every fifteen minutes, sipping hot tea with lemon, and taking ibuprofen.
The icing on the cake was when I returned home to find my future husband in the kitchen, cleaning up from a delicious dinner of completely clean roasted chicken and sweet potatoes he had prepared as a surprise for me to come home to. Believe me, there was nothing I wanted more than to sit down and dig into whatever was making our apartment smell so heavenly Instead I sat down and cried.
"Really, Brooke? You cried? Because of a little chicken?" Go ahead and judge, people. I'm not afraid to shed some completely unwarranted tears every now and then. Although, I would say these were far from "unwarranted." Let me explain why.
First of all, if you have ever tasted something that has been created at the hands of Chef Daniel Hoyt, you will know that being unable to eat whatever it is he has made you is reason enough to turn on the waterworks. Secondly, I felt bad because he had gone through all the trouble of preparing the meal just for me to be unable to eat it. Not to mention my emotions were already running high, mostly because of the extremely charged documentary I had just spent that past hour and a half sitting through, coupled with the amount of pain I was already in. It was not a pretty sight.
Thankfully, as usual, Danny came to the rescue. He wrapped up the meal and put on his coat, ready to brave the cold to bring me wherever I needed to go. We settled on Shaws, and I purchased some children's Ibuprofen and Benadryl - liquid forms to coat my thoat, a trick I learned last year around this time at the Walk-In clinic. The next hurdle was finding something for me to slide down my throat that wasn't hot or terribly unhealthy. Danny asked me if I was just going to say "forget it" and head straight for the Ben and Jerry's.
I will admit, I entertained the thought for a split second.
Then I remembered the pain. And the suffering. And the fact that I was already in pain and I was already suffering without the added discomfort of stomach issues. Not to mention the fact that I had worked my tail off to stay on track for almost TWO WEEKS, turned down cheese, Hibachi dinners, pizza, chocolate cake - to give up all that work for some ice cream?
Instead, I made my way to the "hippy aisle" (as Danny calls it) and found myself a pint of chocolate Almond Dream dairy free ice cream! The old Brooke would have destroyed the entire pint with the excuse of "it's the only thing I can eat right now" or "I'll go to the gym tomorrow and work it off." Then, she would have wallowed in self-pity and guilt, self-esteem in shambles and feeling like a failure for the rest of the night, perpetuating the process of unhealthy eating with anything that she could get her hands on to fill the disappointment pit in her gut.
I will admit, it was hard not to eat the whole pint of chocolately delicious Almond Dream in one sitting. Instead, I measured out the serving size (1/2 cup), made myself a luke-warm cup of Yogi honey lemon tea, swallowed a spoonful of straight up raw honey and had my throat-coating children's medicine cocktail for dinner. Healthy? Overall, not so much, but it could have been a lot worse! I could have given in, made excuses and then felt awful, physically and emotionally, for the remainder of the night. Instead, I drank my tea, filled myself with water, and went to bed early.
I woke up this morning a changed woman, not only because my throat was no longer on fire and I could actually breathe through my sinuses again, but because I had gotten through a situation that was chock full of excuses and reasons to undo all I've been striving towards the past week and a half without fail. I didn't fall back on old habits. I refused to budge an inch on what I'd already decided for myself. I stood strong, fought hard, and won. And that felt damn good to wake up to this morning, let me tell you!
I know that there are times I will give in. That's fine, because what's life if you can't live a little? I also know that there are going to be less times I will give in because I am uncomfortable in a situation, because it's easy, becaue it's what everyone else is doing. Because I have no excuse anymore.
The best part? I have more Almond Dream to treat myself to later on this week! Guilt-free, clean, delicious Almond Dream. One serving at a time, of course.
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