Slashing Through the Cycle

Hellooooo, Vietnam!!

(If you read that in a Robin William voice, I commend you.)

I have been taking a break from the blog to tend to some personal affairs. As my previous post stated, my shoulder's strength and breadth have definitely been tested over the past few weeks. I would like to say I stuck to my clean eating ways through the trials and tribulations I have been facing, but I would be lying. In fact, if I've learned anything from the stress of the past few weeks, it's that I absolutely use food as a crutch.

Most people might have a bad day, come home, have a glass of wine with dinner or a cold beer. Maybe some chocolate. I come home and begin stuffing my face with anything and everything that I can find in order to forget about whatever it is that happened, whatever I'm going through, or whoever pissed me off that day. Chocolate chips, crackers, popcorn, grapes, ice cream, cheese, crackers, leftovers, my right shoe, a plate, my computer (secret is out. Now you know why I've been MIA lately!)

The positive side of making the switch to healthy eating is we have very little unhealthy choices in our house anymore, much to The Mister's dismay most of the time. Usually I am in control enough to kill my craving with something that's a healthy alternative to whatever comfort food I really want. Not the case within the past two weeks.

One particularly stressful night, The Mister and I ventured to the grocery store and purchased a frozen foods schmorgus board - Bagel Bites, fried ravioli and pork egg rolls. After shorting out the microwave, undercooking the rolls, and demolishing the majority of what we'd purchased, we both sat back on our couch and felt an immense satisfaction at the choice we had made. This was quickly overtaken with guilt, disgust, and an immediate upset stomach.

These meals are few and far between, even more so now that I am attempting to make better choices. However, when these meals happen, my mindset is usually whelp! Already screwed myself over... might as well just scrap the whole day. So I keep eating things I know will only continue to dig that pit of shame and guilt in my stomach, and I'll continue to try and fill it with processed food, refined sugar and transfats.

Does this vicious cycle sound familiar to anyone else?

Food can be a powerful drug. There are studies (that I have not sited and will not take the time to research right now because The Mister is waiting to snuggle!) that foods have as strong if not stronger hold on some people than most hard drugs. (Google it... I swear it's true!) The hardest part is you can't cut food out of your life like you can other drugs, because you need it to survive. What you can do is cut out those foods that you know are trigger foods for you when you're stressed. Me? The less chocolate and "fried" food (chicken nuggets, pizza rolls, other processed frozen quick microwaveable options) I have at my disposal, the better. After a long day of work filled with crazy kids and bad vibes, I want nothing more than to house an entire tub of chocolate ice cream topped with Tostino's Pizza Rolls and mozzerella sticks. I also want to avoid the crushing disappointment, bloating, and in most cases pain that will ensue after devouring my "fix."

I am learning new ways to cope every day. I slipped up, yes, but for every unhealthy choice I've made recently, I've attempted to counter it with a good meal. Or a trip to the gym. Or a home workout, even if it's only 15 minutes. Have I lost any more weight? No. Have I gained weight? Yes, two pounds, which you would know is a miracle if you had been a fly on the wall in my life lately. It's not "measurable" progress, but each time I give in to the cravings and start the cycle, it's another reminder that eating for momentary comfort is not worth it in the long run. And every time I slip up and refuse to completely derail myself for the remainder of the day, I consider that not only progress, but a huge win on my part.

It's like this incredibly insightful and relatable quote I found on Instagram a while ago says: "When you get a flat tire, you don't go ahead and slash the other three just because." Right? Makes total sense! Instead, you throw on that donut, get back behind the wheel, and keep on trucking towards your destination.

And if you need a push to get going, ask for help. You'd be surprised who knows how to change a tire!